One Step in My Shoes...

I recently got a new pair of shoes.  A pair of Vans, they were in style when I was in high school.  I’m not into fashion, so I have no clue if kids today wear them or not.  A friend of mine designs shoe tattoos and he designed a pair just for me.  There is no other pair out there like them, because these shoes are about my steps, the steps I take one at a time, striving to make it in this world.

Living one day at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace…  Not an easy thing to do!  The concept sounds so simple but letting go and accepting the difficult times while seeing challenges as a way to peace are both counterintuitive in my head.   Once I walked into the doors of CR, I clearly knew my life was unmanageable.  The degree to which I was out of control was out of my realm of comprehension and believing that I mattered to God flew in the face of my depression.  I stuck with it, to be totally honest though, I mostly just liked the music.  

Twelve steps, that’s a lot of steps when the second one is easy to own intellectually, but feels impossible to emotionally grasp.  I was willing to try though, and I had a lot of people on my side.  I had entirely nothing to lose, because at that point my life had absolutely no value to me at all. My part is to walk one moment at a time, one step at a time, carrying the smallest amount of faith and I am able to lie down and sleep in peace because He keeps me safe (Psalm 4:8).

I have only been able to sleep well in the last 6-8 months for the first time in about 6 years.  At first doctors didn’t even believe me when I told them I averaged 3 hours of sleep per night.  To finally be able to sleep, that is a blessing that came along with a lighter load in my heart.  It is for this reason that Psalm 4:8 is so awesome to me. 

So, I do sleep better, but there are still so many struggles surrounding me.  Some are temptations, those sins that I have such a hard time of breaking free from; however, 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells me that the temptations in my life are no different from what others experience and God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than I can stand. When I am tempted, he will show me a way out so that I can endure. 

Some of my struggles though had nothing to do with me avoiding temptation, but rather accepting the things I cannot change.  I want to fix things and I want to do it NOW.  I struggle with PTSD which is by far my greatest hurdle.  I feel like a flailing octopus with feelings and fears headed in every direction.   God is on my side, but I need the tools to attack that octopus.  Celebrate Recovery gives me the support of a fearless piranha to go after those struggles with vigor. 

Even sharks and barracuda will typically attack smaller prey.  With my team of support that has been formed through this Friday night blessing, God has provided me with a piranha, together we form the most ferocious fish in the entire world to rip its teeth through the flesh and bone of my greatest struggles.  Together we are powerful enough to tear apart whatever life brings.  If you are reading this and don’t yet have a team of support, I encourage you to get one as no one succeeds as a lone fish in the sea.

Grateful Believer,

Jennifer