Notes from the Mission Field

Over the last month, I find myself reciting the Serenity Prayer a lot! Sometimes without even realizing I am doing it.

When I have visited Rwanda on short-term missions trips, I have spent my time exclusively with missionaries. Everything is positive and uplifting, kind of like church camp. Since moving here one month ago, my mountaintop experience has hit valleys from time to time and I rely on some of the tools that I have learned through Celebrate Recovery.

As a missionary, there is a lot of pressure to live inside the box. There aren’t any introductions starting with, “Hi, I’m Jamie, a grateful believer…” here. But I have found a couple of friends to share a few things with just to have someone who is aware of my struggles and for accountability.

I have spent time with other people about my age who are working here, not necessarily in the missionary capacity, who live a life not congruent with what I am trying to achieve for my sobriety and myself. It is sometimes tough discerning where a positive place is and where I should not go to protect my sobriety. There are limited places to hang out after about 6pm, but I don’t want to be stuck at home every single night, so I try new places with friends. I have found myself feeling trapped in an environment that is not healthy for me and around people who could care less if I was struggling or not.

There are moments that are so culturally frustrating that I find myself whispering, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (which are many today), the courage to change the things I can (hopefully it won’t be many because I’m really tired) and the wisdom to know the difference (wisdom, seriously?! I just spent 30 minutes waiting for someone to arrive and another 30 minutes explaining why they shouldn’t be late and another hour explaining why I am explaining what being disrespectful of time means)….”

I have had to make amends for criticizing and judging why people do things a certain way that I am not accustomed. And I have prayed a lot. I pray for a friend that I can rely on and who I can open up to; who will willingly get up and leave if a situation becomes to tough for me to handle.

I have found one missionary guy who was involved with CR at one time and mentioned an interest in starting a group here. We are not sure how it translates to a culture that does not open up about their feelings and rarely expresses more than a lift of the eyebrows. But God planted a seed that it is a possibility because there are two people here familiar with recovery. What a better place to find recovery than a country who is trying to heal from so many deep scars.

I thank God for asking me to come to such a beautiful place with so many beautiful people.

Philippians 4:4-7 New Living Translation (NLT)
4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. 6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Grateful Believer,
Jamie