I moved into a new office recently. After a few weeks of settling in, there were still a few items left to be tucked away. In a stack of books I found an old pocket-sized Bible tucked inside its original box. I opened the box, pulled out the Bible and began to flip through its pages. The old Bible brought back a lot of memories, good memories in fact; like the semester when I started each morning with God’s word, a banana mocha and a biscuit sitting in a corner booth at the Virtual Bean Coffee Shop . Or the late nights lying in bed face up reading the book of James everyday for a month. It was a challenge set forth by an elder at the Stillwater church of Christ that really impacted my spiritual life early on in my time at OSU. With the pages loosened from its binding it was obvious that this Bible and I had been through a lot…or should I say it got me through a lot.
I thumbed over to James curious as to what God’s word was teaching me at that point in my life. I was surprised to find James 5:16 underlined.
It reads: Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
This verse has come to mean so much to me in my recovery, but why did I have it underlined so many years ago? I know I wasn’t putting the verse into practice. It got me thinking about how at that point in life, my pain had not yet become greater than my fear of change. I was living two separate lives at the time. The Nate that everyone knew was active in ministry and growing in God’s word. I believe that as I read James 5:16, I saw the need to confess my sins- after all I was neck deep in pornography, but Satan had convinced me that if I became vulnerable, that if I put God’s word into practice, that the only thing waiting for me at the end of it was rejection, humiliation and more loneliness. I didn’t trust that God would actually bring healing to my life.
Praise God, He didn’t give up on me. He stayed faithful to me through the following years and as my pain slowly became more than I could bear, He revealed His promise to me once again. Celebrate Recovery is an answered prayer in my life. Its the fulfillment of a deep longing for healing and change that, in my case, goes back more than 15 years. I remember the first time that James 5:16 was brought up at C.R. Its as if a light bulb went off in my head. It clicked. I got it. Forgiveness comes through confessing to God and healing comes through confessing to each other!
I’m so thankful for these lessons learned and for the gentle whisper of the Father in Heaven, who loves us enough to keep bringing us back to the same life lessons, the same promises and the same scriptures over and over and over again, until our hearts finally comprehend.
Grateful Believer,
Nate