Going The Speed Limit

I have a confession to share. It's one of the many reasons I attend Celebrate Recovery and just about every week I need a new blue chip for it. Hi, my name is Gabby, I'm a grateful believer in Jesus and I struggle with impatiently driving behind old ladies in the fast lane and navigating through a school zone while running behind.

Yes, I like to pretend that I am Jeff Gordon while on the road, so sue me. Just kidding, please don't, unless I accidentally sideswiped your car, then I'm sorry. I'm only saying that when I am unable to go the speed that I WANT to go I get upset.

If the German Autobahn allows people to go as fast as they like, then why should I have to slow down? Captain Barbossa from Pirates of the Caribbean best summarizes speed limits when he described the Pirate’s Code, "They're more like guidelines anyway." Daily I like to believe that I can go as fast as I please, but with the Lord and Celebrate Recovery I am reminded that sometimes I need to slow down.

I remember when I first started coming to Celebrate Recovery; I had just ended an addicting and abusive relationship and needed some guidance. Immediately I joined a step study and began to work the steps of recovery. I knew that step studies took over nine months to complete but by month two I was wondering why I wasn't "healing" and "letting go" of my past hurts sooner.

Recently I have been reflecting on the importance of having an accountability team and have found what huge role they play in my own recovery. My support team is like the speed limit signs that are found on the streets. With assistance from my sponsor and accountability partner, I was able to adapt to my own pace and make progress within my recovery.

Whenever I'm trying to speed down the recovery highway, my sponsor will pull me over and remind me that there is not a quick fix. When I am drifting away, paralyzed from fear, or just stagnant in my recovery, my accountability partner will come up and honk her horn (in a loving way, not the mean tailgating nonsense) reminding me that I need to pick up the pace. Either way, having a support team is essential for me to continue taking one step at a time.

Grateful Believer,

Gabby

OUTSIDE THE SAFE ZONE

One of my least favorite activities is moving. For some odd reason, going to a place that I have never been before does not sound exciting. In fact, for a control freak such as myself who thrives off of consistency, predictability and structure, it is terrifying.

I remember when my mother first decided to move my sisters and me to Oklahoma the summer before my senior year of high school. For a bunch of city folk from Chicago, moving to Oklahoma brought on culture shock.. I thought my mother had lost her mind.

In Chicago, I felt safe. I lived in an area where gunshots and drugs were not uncommon. Profanity, premarital sex, and other various compulsions were normal but in my mind that was my normal. After living there for 17 years, it was another part of the modern day culture that I expected to remain a part of my life.

After the move, I felt like a fish out of water and I soon began to realize that my idea of normal was not really normal. I learned that the hurts that I felt, the habits that I had developed, and my hang ups were not originally what God wanted for me. Obviously with the decision to move, my mom had not lost her mind, but in fact was being used by God to try and renew my mind.

I truly believe that God moved my family to help me become the person that I am today. I didn’t realize how hurt and broken I was, because in my previous environment, I felt as though that was all that I knew. Now I see that God purposely moved me from one environment to another to save and protect me.

At the time I could not see it, but the move brought me closer to Christ and introduced me to Celebrate Recovery. With God’s help through CR I was able to overcome a destructive habit and finally walk away from addictive and abusive relationships. By being pulled out of my safe zone, I was able I was able to step out into the unknown and become the person that I am today: happy, healed, and made whole.

Have been pulled out of a situation in which you felt comfortable? Is God pulling on your heart strings, trying to help you grow into the person he would like for you to be by changing your current environment? My advice is simple, seek God.

Give it up to Him and he will guide you exactly where he wants you to go. Jeremiah 29:11 reads,  ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’

Grateful Believer,

Gabby

Don't Feed the Cat

From the moment my family and I moved into our new home in Bethany, I knew that there would be some changes and challenges that we would have to deal with. One of the biggest challenges we've had to face is not being able to have a pet in the home. From the time I was a young girl, my family always had pets; dogs, cats, hamsters, even bunnies in the backyard.

Now having children of my own, I hope to continue on this legacy of pets. I like to believe that I have a deep love for animals while others may believe it could be a borderline obsession. Who cares? Potato, tomato, right?

Like all very determined animal lovers, I tried to figure out a way to "abide by the rules" but still fulfill my own desire for a furry companion. This soon became a very easy task. With the help of my children, we were able to identify all five of the stray cats in our neighborhood within a few days.

One cat in particular was very fond of the kids and me. She was probably the only one who didn't run away when we reached out our hands chiming, "Here kitty, kitty." We adopted "Torie," as the kids agreed to call it, as our "outside cat" since we weren't allowed to have pets inside the home. Not to mention both my mom and mother-in-law are deathly allergic to cats, so we could NOT have any cat hair inside in case they stopped by.

In my mind, as long as I could have a pet without "breaking the rules," I was satisfied. Daily I fed the cat and made sure it had plenty of food and water. It even invited its other kitty friends over and shared its meal.

Our backyard was slowly starting to become a cat hangout. My husband must have been thinking, "I did not just marry an undercover cat lady, did I?" Only his love and very stern "No!" prevented me from completely going overboard and bringing the cat inside our home to live.

Thank goodness for his voice of reason because I truly could've gotten us into some serious trouble. In one of my cat lady shopping frenzies, I bought the cat a flea collar and put it around its neck. The next morning, the cat stopped by as usual but my collar had been replaced by a shiny black collar with a bell on it.

That two-timing kitty had a home all along and was only playing on my heart strings. My overwhelming desire for a fuzzy friend allowed me to overlook the fact that this cat already had a home and he, who I found out is named "Bear," was only dealing with me because I laid out food for it to eat for the past few weeks.

By my feeding that selfish desire, I could've have hurt many people. What if my mothers had come over and I had the cat in the house? What would have happened if my landlord had stopped by? How much more time and money would I have wasted if I had continued to feed this feline?

It's so easy for me to allow my addictions and compulsions to completely blur my rational thinking. When I am focused on satisfying my selfish desires, I allow myself to compromise my morals. I try to "abide by the rules" without technically breaking them and as a result I can end up potentially hurting my friends and family.

That's why I am so grateful for Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery allows me to acknowledge my compulsions and addictions in a safe place. I can admit my wrongs; how I have hurt others; and how they have hurt me in a nonjudgmental environment.

Most important, I am able to see that with God, all things are possible. With His help and love, I am made whole and I can "stop feeding the cat" in my life. I am able to exchange my sins for forgiveness and adopt a forever family who has my back and will remind me to leave the cat outside.

Grateful believer,

Gabby