OUTSIDE THE SAFE ZONE

One of my least favorite activities is moving. For some odd reason, going to a place that I have never been before does not sound exciting. In fact, for a control freak such as myself who thrives off of consistency, predictability and structure, it is terrifying.

I remember when my mother first decided to move my sisters and me to Oklahoma the summer before my senior year of high school. For a bunch of city folk from Chicago, moving to Oklahoma brought on culture shock.. I thought my mother had lost her mind.

In Chicago, I felt safe. I lived in an area where gunshots and drugs were not uncommon. Profanity, premarital sex, and other various compulsions were normal but in my mind that was my normal. After living there for 17 years, it was another part of the modern day culture that I expected to remain a part of my life.

After the move, I felt like a fish out of water and I soon began to realize that my idea of normal was not really normal. I learned that the hurts that I felt, the habits that I had developed, and my hang ups were not originally what God wanted for me. Obviously with the decision to move, my mom had not lost her mind, but in fact was being used by God to try and renew my mind.

I truly believe that God moved my family to help me become the person that I am today. I didn’t realize how hurt and broken I was, because in my previous environment, I felt as though that was all that I knew. Now I see that God purposely moved me from one environment to another to save and protect me.

At the time I could not see it, but the move brought me closer to Christ and introduced me to Celebrate Recovery. With God’s help through CR I was able to overcome a destructive habit and finally walk away from addictive and abusive relationships. By being pulled out of my safe zone, I was able I was able to step out into the unknown and become the person that I am today: happy, healed, and made whole.

Have been pulled out of a situation in which you felt comfortable? Is God pulling on your heart strings, trying to help you grow into the person he would like for you to be by changing your current environment? My advice is simple, seek God.

Give it up to Him and he will guide you exactly where he wants you to go. Jeremiah 29:11 reads,  ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’

Grateful Believer,

Gabby

Don't Feed the Cat

From the moment my family and I moved into our new home in Bethany, I knew that there would be some changes and challenges that we would have to deal with. One of the biggest challenges we've had to face is not being able to have a pet in the home. From the time I was a young girl, my family always had pets; dogs, cats, hamsters, even bunnies in the backyard.

Now having children of my own, I hope to continue on this legacy of pets. I like to believe that I have a deep love for animals while others may believe it could be a borderline obsession. Who cares? Potato, tomato, right?

Like all very determined animal lovers, I tried to figure out a way to "abide by the rules" but still fulfill my own desire for a furry companion. This soon became a very easy task. With the help of my children, we were able to identify all five of the stray cats in our neighborhood within a few days.

One cat in particular was very fond of the kids and me. She was probably the only one who didn't run away when we reached out our hands chiming, "Here kitty, kitty." We adopted "Torie," as the kids agreed to call it, as our "outside cat" since we weren't allowed to have pets inside the home. Not to mention both my mom and mother-in-law are deathly allergic to cats, so we could NOT have any cat hair inside in case they stopped by.

In my mind, as long as I could have a pet without "breaking the rules," I was satisfied. Daily I fed the cat and made sure it had plenty of food and water. It even invited its other kitty friends over and shared its meal.

Our backyard was slowly starting to become a cat hangout. My husband must have been thinking, "I did not just marry an undercover cat lady, did I?" Only his love and very stern "No!" prevented me from completely going overboard and bringing the cat inside our home to live.

Thank goodness for his voice of reason because I truly could've gotten us into some serious trouble. In one of my cat lady shopping frenzies, I bought the cat a flea collar and put it around its neck. The next morning, the cat stopped by as usual but my collar had been replaced by a shiny black collar with a bell on it.

That two-timing kitty had a home all along and was only playing on my heart strings. My overwhelming desire for a fuzzy friend allowed me to overlook the fact that this cat already had a home and he, who I found out is named "Bear," was only dealing with me because I laid out food for it to eat for the past few weeks.

By my feeding that selfish desire, I could've have hurt many people. What if my mothers had come over and I had the cat in the house? What would have happened if my landlord had stopped by? How much more time and money would I have wasted if I had continued to feed this feline?

It's so easy for me to allow my addictions and compulsions to completely blur my rational thinking. When I am focused on satisfying my selfish desires, I allow myself to compromise my morals. I try to "abide by the rules" without technically breaking them and as a result I can end up potentially hurting my friends and family.

That's why I am so grateful for Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery allows me to acknowledge my compulsions and addictions in a safe place. I can admit my wrongs; how I have hurt others; and how they have hurt me in a nonjudgmental environment.

Most important, I am able to see that with God, all things are possible. With His help and love, I am made whole and I can "stop feeding the cat" in my life. I am able to exchange my sins for forgiveness and adopt a forever family who has my back and will remind me to leave the cat outside.

Grateful believer,

Gabby

Unclogged Pores

I’ve struggled with oily skin my whole life but lately I’ve felt like my face has been obnoxiously oily. Why this happens, I do not understand. I do know that on a hot day I literally have enough oil on my face to lotion my entire body. Can you say, “Not cool?” As a result, I sought help in the form of a dermatologist. He had a few recommendations for me, which I’ve felt I have been following through with pretty well.

First, he recommended that I try to drink plenty of water, at least eight cups a day minimum. On a good day, I’ll drink a whole 16oz bottle. Some days I may even drink three bottles if it has the sweet flavor packets stirred in. Flavored water is better water, just saying.

He also encouraged me to take two prescribed medications, one oral medication twice a day and one nightly face cream. Let’s just say that pill isn’t the easiest thing to swallow. For my nursing friends who understand, I only take it prn, meaning as needed, really meaning, when I remember I may choke it down. As for that face cream, it’s more like one night every two weeks I’ll rub it on.
But, for some odd reason my face just continues to oil up and I cannot get it under control!

Finally I decided to take action into my own hands and went out on a limb. I decided to try Deep Cleansing Pore Strips. They are these thin strips that a person would put over their nose, wait 10-15min for it to stiffen and then pull off. Naturally I waited about 7-8 minutes and then pulled the strip off my nose. To say it hurt was an understatement. I literally had to wipe tears from my eyes and I was left with a bright red Rudolph nose.

What was I thinking? Not to say that any of the above treatments were failures, but because of my lack to completely commit to the instruction provided to me, I’m sure I did more harm to my face than good. This situation reminds me of Principle 5, “Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask him to remove my character defects.” Too many times I have allowed myself to half commit to the necessary changes that I have needed to make in my life.

The oil reminds me of the daily temptation that I face. With my constant denial of the need to change, the more the sin, or “oil”, has the opportunity to be produced. Even when given the proper tools to deal with my struggles, sometimes I continue to do the things I know I shouldn’t do or only do what I need to do half-heartedly.

As a result, this leads to me try to deal with the issue on my own and possibly ending in tears because of my inability to fix it. God loves me for who I am, where I am and wants to help me change. However, I have to be willing to submit to every change that HE wants to make and commit to the process whole-heartedly.

The Grateful Believer,

Gabby

From Being Hurt to Being Hugged

Five years ago when I first walked into Celebrate Recovery, I was blown away at the friendliness of the folks participating in this group. They would hug total strangers! I was unable to accept a hug back then, partly from my severe depression and partly because I have been hurt by others in the past. My ability to trust was nonexistent, but over time I learned that there were a lot of people that care about me at Celebrate Recovery.  We were created to be in relationships with other people, but for me, I was too hurt to let anyone in. I was accepted where I was without pressure, and I am so thankful for that.

It seemed pretty foreign, but as I learned to trust some people I started allowing a few of them to give me a hug every once in a while. What happened next really amazed me, but I started to want, no NEED hugs! I found myself searching for my safe folks and getting my hugs. It was only about 6 months ago that I realized that I went from someone who might throw a punch if you touched me to actually asking for a hug!  God is changing me.  My journey has not been a quick one, and I certainly haven’t arrived. You still won’t see me as an official hugger on Friday nights during recovery recognition, but I am in total shock at where I am today. I am taking the scenic route to a destination set forth before I was born, and I am excited to be on that road.

Ephesians 3:20— Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think, to Him be the glory!

Grateful Believer,

Jennifer

Between Points A and B, there is Recovery

I want this to be concurrent with where the program's lessons are right now, in January, and that's Step 1 and Principle 1.  I also know that when He gives me an idea, I just go, or I don't.  I'm going.  As a song says, You have called me deeper / And I will go where you will lead me...  

Please don't read my words and think I have all the answers.  Think of me as a fellow traveler on the road, happy to walk beside you and encourage with shared stories, dreams, and hopes.

This is about hope, and that is appropriate for the beginning.  It's preliminary to Step 1: not the realization of it, nor the conclusion, not the end of the race.  Hope.

The newcomer has it.  That's you, hopefully.  That's me when I admit a new struggle.  They/you might not realize it, but that's what gets you through our doors.  At the very beginning.  I have realized something about me.  I'm broken.  There's something wrong with me.

I can't fix it.

I've tried.  How I've tried!  How I have fought.  How I have struggled.  How I have sought to control what I do.  I can't do it.  I fail.  I've failed.  I can't fix me.  I am part of the problem.

At that point I see Recovery.  If that's Celebrate Recovery, great!  If that's not CR but some other set of initials, like SA, SAA, AA, NA, among others. I thank God you have found its doors, and I extend the invitation that you are welcome to add CR to your list of meetings.  Recovery happens on many levels and at your own speed.

I see Recovery.  I see a group that meets with the expectation and express purpose of getting well. Recovery is hope in disguise.  I see that others struggle.  Others fail.  Others keep coming back.  There are positive examples to offset my own negatives.

I go to a meeting.  Why?  Surely I am at wit's end.  I know I can't fix me, but I have hope.  I have a seed of hope, however small, that there is an answer, even if at this point it's beyond me.

It is beyond me.

I realize I'm not God.  I admit that I'm powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.  (Principle 1)

My name is Joel.  I'm a grateful believer in our Lord, Jesus, the Christ.  I struggle with sex addiction and divorce.

But I have hope.  I haven't even fully internalized Celebrate Recovery's Principle 1 and everything it can and will mean in my life.

I will have many different hopes over the course of my recovery, over the rest of my life.  Some will be met during my life.  One will have to wait until after I die.  Another helps me focus on the kind of life and love and relationships I want to have.  All my hopes have to be surrendered, folded up in His arms and subject to His will.  

All hopes boil down to one quick geometric principle.  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  (Do we have Pythagoras to thank for that one?)  Well, it's true, and all Truth comes first from God.  I have Points A and B.  I'm at Point B, a state of loss, despair, grief.  A dwelling in the house of failure.  That's Point B.

Point A could be just about anywhere else, as long as it's a healthy place.  I'll try to keep it simple for my own sake.  Point B is who I am at the end of my rope, maybe even the end of my life if something doesn't change.  Point A is who I want to be.  I want to move toward Point A, so there's a journey to be taken.  For us, Recovery is that path, and believe me, it's the shortest distance between the two.

There is an old saying, The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. To make that first step requires hope.  I hope Point A exists.  I can't shift a muscle until I have that hope.  What's the point otherwise?

 I'm in the mud.  If there's no better place, I might as well wallow in it.  I'm that proverbial boy playing in the mud outside while there's a feast laid out in the palace.  The amusements I'm interested in as a boy are so small in comparison with what I can have as a mature man.  All mud eventually dries, and then I'm just dirty.  There's great joy in coming clean.  I dare myself to experience that.

As a song goes, We were meant to live for so much more.  As another song goes,  I dare you to move.

At the core of all this is the simple truth that of all of us humans, there is not one of us that is hopeless.  Not a single one.  We may abandon hope ourselves, we may wallow in mud outside the gates, we may dig holes for ourselves.  We may hold on so tightly to our own control that we can't grasp the rope offered to us.

My belief is that there is always a light that can never be extinguished.  I believe God made us with unquenchable hope.  We will always have the nagging thought that, as bad as things have gotten, there's a better place to go.  Have you felt that?  We may resist it.  We may bag it, lock it up, and bury it, shove it away somewhere.

We can't escape it. Why?

Because at the most basic level, the source of that hope comes from without us.  Our hope is anchored in the love that only Jesus has for us, a love that deems us worthy and balances us even though we can't do anything to tip the scales either way. 

Romans 5:5 says, "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts..."  (Read 5:6-9 too, while you're there).  A love that we can't get rid of because it doesn't depend on us.  We are worthy of that love just because He says so.  Believe this.  He wants you.  You have worth to Him.

But you don't have to start there.  When the infinite is too much to consider, start small.  There's a better place to be.  There's a better person to become.  Shift a muscle.  Take a step.  I hope you will move.

Grateful Believer,

Joel T.