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Showing posts with label Addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Addiction. Show all posts

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Restoring the Nest

Amy W
This past Saturday, we sold my kids backyard play-set. As this nice family was packing up to leave, the father asked me what I wanted him to do with my little girl's birdhouse. I had totally forgotten that two years ago, we had attached this hand-painted birdhouse to the very top of the swing set. Without much thought, I just told the man to leave the house on the edge of the fence.

Little did I know that there was a little family of birds living inside of that birdhouse.
A couple of hours later, I walked out into the backyard to enjoy a little sunshine. No more had I stepped onto the back porch, than this Momma and Daddy bird opened up a full-on attack. They were both flying at me from different directions, making it very clear that they were quite unhappy.

Through my dodging of these "angry birds" I saw something hop along the back fence line.  It was a baby bird. I quickly ran out and scooped up the bird and returned it to the bird house, all the while being dive-bombed by the the adult birds. This scene was repeated again and again, as I walked the fence line and found a total of 4 baby birds that had been displaced from their happy home.

I gave myself a little pat on the back for my good deed and fully expected to get a little expression of gratitude from these little birds. But strangely enough, these birds continued to attack me even after I had returned their little home to it's former state! Honestly, I was a little irritated that my efforts had not been more appreciated.

It didn't take me long to appreciate the life/recovery parallel of this situation. You see, I was the person who wrecked my own family's home. I physically and mentally left my family in the chaos of my addiction. When I returned home from treatment, I felt like a new person; one that could restore my family. 

I thought that I could come home and immediately be recognized for the amazing person I thought that I had become. I assumed that everyone would automatically forget the person I used to be, and extend their full trust without hesitation. But I failed to recognize the scars that I had left behind.  I had found healing, but I forgot that there was still so much healing left to do.
After a couple of days, the birds are peaceful in their new location. They are no longer attacking me when I walk outside. They now seem to recognize that I am not a threat to them. Gaining my family's trust and confidence back took TIME. It took REPETITION. It took PERSISTENCE. But slowly and surely, that trust started being restored.

I realize now, the truth that addiction is a family disease. It is not just the individual that suffers. And just as the consequences of addiction do not happen overnight, nor do the blessings of recovery. But God does promise His plans to prosper us and not harm us, if we choose to follow him. I had to be willing to face all of those hurts again as I returned home. It was painful, but I had to be willing to face that pain in order for healing to begin, and full restoration to be possible. 

I can now honestly say, that my family and household are at peace again. I am no longer seen as a threat. The walls have come down, and we are fully enjoying the new life that we have built. I am no longer hurting them, and they are no longer living in fear of being hurt. And everyday, I thank God that through recovery, this new life has been made possible.
Grateful Believer, 
.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Why Am I Not "Recovered" Yet?

Hello!  I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with lust, overeating, and am recovering from divorce.  My name is Bryant.
 
I came across these words of encouragement from the Celebrate Recovery Texas State Rep, Paul Schnee and wanted to share them with you. 
If you are new to CR and wondering why some people have been in the program for so long, you need to read this.  If you are a CR veteran and have felt discouraged about continuing to "be in recovery", you need to read this.  If you have never attended CR yourself, but you have a friend or family member who has been in CR for a while, you need to read this.  If you have clicked the link and are on this webpage, then you're on it for a reason -- you need to read this.
 
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Not long ago someone asked me why I wasn't recovered yet. They were judging me as weak because I continue in Celebrate Recovery. CR happens to be one of the greatest spiritual growth and discipleship ministries available to the modern church. But it is a process.

And I am weak. Seriously, can I earn my way into God's favor? Can I use my own strength to recover? Will I stop learning and growing this side of God's kingdom?
 
I'm a work in progress on the road to sanctification (recovery). Only Christ can finish what he has started:)


For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! (1 Corinthians 10:12)

...let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance... (Proverbs 1:5)

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:4-5)

 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)



Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Internet Filtering and Accountability Software

Hi, my name is Micah, and I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with alcoholism and anger.  I have prayed about a resource like this for some time now.  The Lord works in his timing and has worked through one of his servants to create for us what I believe is very informative and practical.  The servant who wrote this article is a long time technology professional but needed to remain anonymous for personal reasons, although certainly wanted to share these resources with anyone that will listen.  I hope that you and/or your family will read this carefully and take the proper steps to protect you and your family from the evil one.  The internet is such a valuable resource and can be used for so much good.  However, as we all know, the devil has taken advantage of the ever growing population and usage of the World Wide Web for his purposes.  As people striving to find recovery in Jesus, we need to be wise in our approach.  Check out this article:

This is somewhat of a long article that I hope you will read completely, but if you just want my bottom line recommendation: buy x3watch Pro ($7 a month) and put it on all devices that are connected to the Internet that you or your family have access to.  This software and others like it can block access to inappropriate Internet content and/or report access to inappropriate content to accountability partners.

Technical Crutch:

When I described my porn problems and my career expertise to a counselor for the first time, one of his first comments was, "You don't have a technology problem; you have a spiritual problem."  I realize that my problem can't be fixed by technology; it will only be fixed by re-training myself to live by the spirit again (Romans 8:5).  Step 1 involves admitting that what I have been doing to "control" my hurt, habit, or hang-up hasn't been working and that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing.  That being said, it is a lie for me to say that technology such as filters and accountability software does not help me in my struggle.  I used that as an excuse for a long time to not use the software telling myself, "I can get around anything, so why bother?"  This is true in a sense, just like it is true that I can get around a police roadblock that is in the path of my car.  Intentionally circumventing a barrier is a very purposeful act that has deeper ramifications than just simple dishonesty.  Even if I get around undetected, it is just going to raise the stakes (and the consequences) when God finally does reveal my sin.

Who needs it?

Frankly, every device in every Christian home, business, or church needs this.  A study in 2009 by Symantec showed that “Porn” was the fourth highest ranked search term by children under seven.  70% of Internet porn access occurs during the 9 to 5 work day [source]. 
Pardon a little irreverent humor, but the Internet today seems to be omnipresent and omnipotent.  Almost every personal computing device now has web access including car stereos, GPS systems, hand-held game systems, and, of course, cell phones. It passes through walls and blankets every major city, town, and highway.  As a result of today’s wireless technology it is almost impossible to completely block Internet access.  For instance, if your child has a smartphone and they connect to your wireless router at home for Internet access, even if you turn off the router, the phone can still access the Internet through the cell network.  However, most cell phone providers allow parents to control access for children.  So, anyone who struggles with compulsively accessing immoral content or who wants to block others from accessing immoral content on the Internet needs to consider these products. 

What is it?

To understand what these products do and how to use them it is important to understand how they differentiate from one another:
Accountability vs. Filtering
  • Accountability products – Report access to porn (or other content categories that I want to avoid) to a designated partner, usually via email, in order to foster open dialog about what I am doing online.  Accountability software “tells on me” after I have acted out.
  • Filtering products – Prevent access to objectionable content. Filtering software blocks access before I have acted out.
Some products do only one or the other, and some both report and prevent, but the best practice is to have both features in some form. 
Stand-alone vs. Network-based
  • Stand-alone – are installed locally on your computer or mobile device and only protect that particular device.
  • Network-based – are installed on the network where you access the Internet (for instance on your home Internet router or on a device at your Internet Service Provider) and protect every device that connects to that network.
There are pros and cons to each method.  For instance, if you have access to many computers, you must install stand-alone products to each device, but if you take that device to another network (like taking a laptop to a hotel on a business trip) it will still be protected.  When your protection is network-based any device that comes into your home, business, or church is protected no matter what it is (i.e., phone, laptop) or how it accesses your network (i.e., wired or wireless).
Hardware-based vs. Software-based
  • Hardware – a device that is dedicated to accountability and/or filtering, although most of these devices at the consumer level are now integrated with a router and perform other function besides filtering.  (A router gives you access to the Internet and shares it with all your local devices.)
  • Software – a program that is installed on a computing device such as a desktop or a server that does the job of filtering and/or reporting.
Mobile vs. Desktop
  • Mobile – Stand-alone software that is designed to run on mobile operating systems. Mobile systems are significantly different from desktop operating systems and are significantly different from one another. So, just because a filtering solution works with the Apple iPhone doesn’t mean that it will work on phones with the Android operating system.
  • Desktop – software that installs and runs on a single user operating system such as Windows or Mac.

How does it work?

When I browse the Internet and access a site which may contain questionable material accountability software records the possible objectionable sites with the date and time they were visited.  Reports with this data go out periodically via email to accountability partners that I designate.  Good services also include in the report if I turn off or uninstall the software so that I can discuss that with my partner.  There are legitimate reasons to turn off the service; even the best software can cause problems sometimes.  The best services also monitor instant messaging programs (i.e., AIM, Yahoo, Windows Live), peer-to-peer software (i.e., uTorrent, Frostwire, BitComet) and inappropriate search engine results.
It is important to note that the accountability portion of the software simply creates an opportunity for discussion and is not a "big brother" type application that will catch all questionable surfing.  You can't demand my accountability; I can only give it to you willingly.  If someone demands my accountability, chances are I'm going to cheat, lie, and hide to find ways to avoid complete transparency.  As is the saying in many recovery programs, “It only works if you work it.”
So, how does this type of software know if a site contains objectionable content? The best programs use a “human-verified” list of sites.  These lists are continuously monitored and updated by people who actually visit the sites to categorize and verify each site’s content.  Some products such as home Internet routers advertise that they include parental controls, but they don’t use human-verified lists.  They use manual lists or keyword blocking that you the user must fill in.  It is impossible to effectively filter Internet content using these kinds of lists.  Some routers such as the NetGear N300 come with free access to filtering that uses human-verified lists.  You can also set up your existing router to use a public form of these lists through the company called OpenDNS.
Protecting mobile web browsing requires a slightly different strategy.  Most smartphones have a built-in web browser such as the iPhone’s Safari browser.  But users can download any number of browsers from the app store that can be used in place of the native browser.  The way accountability and filtering work with these devices is that you download the special browser that includes the filtering services and you disable any other browsers on your device.  The filtering product documentation will describe exactly how to do this with your particular phone.  There are a couple of inconveniences inherent in this process; 1) you must also block the phone user’s ability to download new browsers, and 2) you must block the user’s ability to reset these settings by requiring a password to make changes.  Blocking downloads usually means the user also can’t download other useful apps that have nothing to do with Internet browsing.  This also means that the user must have an accountability partner hold the password that allows them to make changes to their phone.  Using these safe browsers causes some features in your other mobile apps to not work, for instance if you have an app that has links to web sites in it, like a Twitter app, those links may not work when you click on them because the app may be trying to call up the native browser which you have disabled.

Some of the Products:

Below is a list of some of the current, popular accountability/filtering services. 
These products all have some combination of the best features and methods mentioned above.  In my opinion X3watch Pro appears to be the best choice right now for well-written software with the most features at the lowest price ($7 a month).  However, features, software stability, platforms supported, and prices change often.  You may have to experiment to see what works best for you or your family. 

Recommendations:

Here is my recommendation for steps to take if you struggle with online porn: 
  • Protect all your computers:
    • Download and install x3watch Pro on all computers that you have access to
  • Protect all your mobile devices:
    • Download and install x3watch Pro on all your mobile devices.
    • Disable the native browser and app downloads on your mobile device (so you can’t download another browser to circumvent the new filtered browser)
    • Have someone else hold the password to your mobile device that allows you to change those settings
  • Protect your home, office, or church Internet connection:
    • Install OpenDNS services on your Internet router; either the simple FamilyShield version or the more full-featured Household version.
    • Have someone else hold the password to your router administration page.
These recommendations can help in your struggle, but you may have to give up some convenience for the increased accountability.  It’s worth it.  Think of it as the drastic action that Jesus calls believers to take in Matthew 5:27-30 to get rid of any opportunity for temptation.
I hope this process helps someone who struggles with online sexual temptation.  It has helped me through the most difficult part of resisting the devil so he will flee.  I celebrate the fact that the devil now runs from me instead of me running to my habit for comfort.
If you’re still not convinced that this kind of software can help those that struggle, listen to the blunt comments of John Kitna, NFL player for the Dallas Cowboys, and others about how these products have helped in their struggle;  Note what Kitna says at the end about courage.