From Being Hurt to Being Hugged

Five years ago when I first walked into Celebrate Recovery, I was blown away at the friendliness of the folks participating in this group. They would hug total strangers! I was unable to accept a hug back then, partly from my severe depression and partly because I have been hurt by others in the past. My ability to trust was nonexistent, but over time I learned that there were a lot of people that care about me at Celebrate Recovery.  We were created to be in relationships with other people, but for me, I was too hurt to let anyone in. I was accepted where I was without pressure, and I am so thankful for that.

It seemed pretty foreign, but as I learned to trust some people I started allowing a few of them to give me a hug every once in a while. What happened next really amazed me, but I started to want, no NEED hugs! I found myself searching for my safe folks and getting my hugs. It was only about 6 months ago that I realized that I went from someone who might throw a punch if you touched me to actually asking for a hug!  God is changing me.  My journey has not been a quick one, and I certainly haven’t arrived. You still won’t see me as an official hugger on Friday nights during recovery recognition, but I am in total shock at where I am today. I am taking the scenic route to a destination set forth before I was born, and I am excited to be on that road.

Ephesians 3:20— Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think, to Him be the glory!

Grateful Believer,

Jennifer

Prevent Truth Decay

I'm a procrastinator. I tend to put things off, goof around, and then finish in a flurry at the very last minute. That's the way I roll.

It's very difficult for me to do things daily, consistently, BEFORE it's an emergency to do them. But as I've grown in my recovery, I have to admit that it's a lot less stressful to do things a little at a time then all at once at the last minute.

In fact, some things HAVE to be done daily. For example, brushing my teeth. What I waited to do that, say once a week (ew!) and on that day brushed them REALLY WELL for like, an hour or two? Would that be as good as brushing them twice a day for a few minutes? Of course not!

The same goes with the daily inventory we talk about at Celebrate Recovery. If I take an honest look at my daily thoughts and actions, and things that happened to me, I'm going to do a lot better job of keeping those things in check than if I just did a big Inventory (4th step) every few years in a step study. A daily inventory keeps me in the truth, the reality of my day-to-day struggles. Both kinds of inventory are great for me - the daily check keeps me on track day by day while the 4th step inventory gives me the big picture.

What should I look at during my daily inventory?  The main idea is to review my day to see what went well and what I need to ask forgiveness for. I ask myself, "Can I avoid that situation or temptation next time?" or "How can I handle that circumstance better?" or "Why did that bother me so much?"

For more ideas on how to use the daily inventory in your recovery, pick up our Daily Inventory handout on the information table on Friday night. Also, your sponsor might have some tips for you.

Grateful Believer,
Angi

Unwind and Find

Principle 7:

Reserve a daily time with God for self examination, Bible readings and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will.



So I have a personal policy I follow.  Every night, after I take my shower, I choose not to turn on the computer or the television.  I’ve discovered that watching the 10 o’clock news or checking Facebook or email right before bed causes me to have more difficulty going to sleep, and sometimes have bad dreams.  

On the contrary, it is easier to turn my brain off and relax and go to sleep if I cut off electronic media about an hour before going to bed.  

This is where principle 7 comes in.  I reserve this time before bed to read my Bible (a paper Bible), pray, and journal.  When I do this properly, it actually gives me a sense of peace and helps me calm down.  Why?  Because it requires me to slow down.  

We live in a microwave culture.  We want everything done now, and done our way.  But when I read my Bible, and take time to pray a well-thought-out prayer (on my knees), and journal about what is troubling me or what is going well, it has a calming effect.  

I tend to trust God more in these times.  That’s why Psalm 46:10 does not say, “Look for me (God) while you’re rushing around,” but “Be still, and know that I am God.”  Remember, we are too busy NOT to pray.

Slow down.  Unwind via principle 7, and you will find God.

Grateful believer,

Aaron S. 

Happy are the Peacemakers

Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships; Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve
 done to others except when to do so would harm them or others.



Happy are the merciful. 

Matt 5:7  

Happy are the peacemakers. Matt 5:9

The time I consider myself most active in my recovery is when I am constantly checking life events against the steps and principles. In order for me to stay clean, I have to constantly go through the steps and principles no matter how many times I have done them in the past. 

The one principle that I have always had trouble doing my best with is Principle 6. Principle 6 for me is the one where I take a look at my past and present and see if I have wronged anyone or if anyone has wronged me. I then try to approach each issue and see if there is anything I need to do in accordance with principle 6. I mentally ask myself questions like this:
 Do I need to apologize to my wife for not helping get the kids ready for school? (The answer is yes, by the way.) 
Or
 I should probably sit down with my daughter and apologize for yelling at her when she didn’t deserve it.
 I know I am supposed to do these things and sometimes they are easy and sometimes they are not. 

Part of principle 6 says …Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me. This part is something I usually do in my head if the person has not apologized to me. I try to give it to God and then I don’t have to worry about it.
 
I say all that but I do have a situation where I am praying to God about a betrayal that I still get angry about. When I start to get angry I will usually ask God to take the anger away. I have to do these things so that I can learn to be a better person and also to stay drug and alcohol free. 
 

Grateful Believer,

Eddie

Made to Heal

I am not a confident cook. On the other hand, my husband gets gourmet-rock-star treatment whenever he enters a kitchen. It's a little intimidating.

So, when he's out of town, as he was a few days ago, I have a couple of choices: To cook, or feel a little guilty, throwing a fast-food bag on the table. This time, I chose to balance a pinch of cooking with a smattering of guilt. 

Somehow, in just slicing up hotdogs for a cooking experiment  (photo of which will not be shared here), I sliced open the palm of my hand.

It wasn't a deep cut, but I watched it closely. I was amazed the next day how the cut was already closing up a little. Now, several days later, it's almost back to normal. 

God made my hand to heal itself. I'm no biologist, but it's clear that as soon as I've been injured, my body goes to work to set things right.

God made our hearts like that too. Even my negative habits are a result of my trying to cope, deal with pain, and heal. God created that desire in us - to seek relief and set things right. Jesus is waiting for us to turn to him to heal our hurts, our habits, our hangups. 

- Grateful Believer, 

Angi

Between Points A and B, there is Recovery

I want this to be concurrent with where the program's lessons are right now, in January, and that's Step 1 and Principle 1.  I also know that when He gives me an idea, I just go, or I don't.  I'm going.  As a song says, You have called me deeper / And I will go where you will lead me...  

Please don't read my words and think I have all the answers.  Think of me as a fellow traveler on the road, happy to walk beside you and encourage with shared stories, dreams, and hopes.

This is about hope, and that is appropriate for the beginning.  It's preliminary to Step 1: not the realization of it, nor the conclusion, not the end of the race.  Hope.

The newcomer has it.  That's you, hopefully.  That's me when I admit a new struggle.  They/you might not realize it, but that's what gets you through our doors.  At the very beginning.  I have realized something about me.  I'm broken.  There's something wrong with me.

I can't fix it.

I've tried.  How I've tried!  How I have fought.  How I have struggled.  How I have sought to control what I do.  I can't do it.  I fail.  I've failed.  I can't fix me.  I am part of the problem.

At that point I see Recovery.  If that's Celebrate Recovery, great!  If that's not CR but some other set of initials, like SA, SAA, AA, NA, among others. I thank God you have found its doors, and I extend the invitation that you are welcome to add CR to your list of meetings.  Recovery happens on many levels and at your own speed.

I see Recovery.  I see a group that meets with the expectation and express purpose of getting well. Recovery is hope in disguise.  I see that others struggle.  Others fail.  Others keep coming back.  There are positive examples to offset my own negatives.

I go to a meeting.  Why?  Surely I am at wit's end.  I know I can't fix me, but I have hope.  I have a seed of hope, however small, that there is an answer, even if at this point it's beyond me.

It is beyond me.

I realize I'm not God.  I admit that I'm powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.  (Principle 1)

My name is Joel.  I'm a grateful believer in our Lord, Jesus, the Christ.  I struggle with sex addiction and divorce.

But I have hope.  I haven't even fully internalized Celebrate Recovery's Principle 1 and everything it can and will mean in my life.

I will have many different hopes over the course of my recovery, over the rest of my life.  Some will be met during my life.  One will have to wait until after I die.  Another helps me focus on the kind of life and love and relationships I want to have.  All my hopes have to be surrendered, folded up in His arms and subject to His will.  

All hopes boil down to one quick geometric principle.  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  (Do we have Pythagoras to thank for that one?)  Well, it's true, and all Truth comes first from God.  I have Points A and B.  I'm at Point B, a state of loss, despair, grief.  A dwelling in the house of failure.  That's Point B.

Point A could be just about anywhere else, as long as it's a healthy place.  I'll try to keep it simple for my own sake.  Point B is who I am at the end of my rope, maybe even the end of my life if something doesn't change.  Point A is who I want to be.  I want to move toward Point A, so there's a journey to be taken.  For us, Recovery is that path, and believe me, it's the shortest distance between the two.

There is an old saying, The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. To make that first step requires hope.  I hope Point A exists.  I can't shift a muscle until I have that hope.  What's the point otherwise?

 I'm in the mud.  If there's no better place, I might as well wallow in it.  I'm that proverbial boy playing in the mud outside while there's a feast laid out in the palace.  The amusements I'm interested in as a boy are so small in comparison with what I can have as a mature man.  All mud eventually dries, and then I'm just dirty.  There's great joy in coming clean.  I dare myself to experience that.

As a song goes, We were meant to live for so much more.  As another song goes,  I dare you to move.

At the core of all this is the simple truth that of all of us humans, there is not one of us that is hopeless.  Not a single one.  We may abandon hope ourselves, we may wallow in mud outside the gates, we may dig holes for ourselves.  We may hold on so tightly to our own control that we can't grasp the rope offered to us.

My belief is that there is always a light that can never be extinguished.  I believe God made us with unquenchable hope.  We will always have the nagging thought that, as bad as things have gotten, there's a better place to go.  Have you felt that?  We may resist it.  We may bag it, lock it up, and bury it, shove it away somewhere.

We can't escape it. Why?

Because at the most basic level, the source of that hope comes from without us.  Our hope is anchored in the love that only Jesus has for us, a love that deems us worthy and balances us even though we can't do anything to tip the scales either way. 

Romans 5:5 says, "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts..."  (Read 5:6-9 too, while you're there).  A love that we can't get rid of because it doesn't depend on us.  We are worthy of that love just because He says so.  Believe this.  He wants you.  You have worth to Him.

But you don't have to start there.  When the infinite is too much to consider, start small.  There's a better place to be.  There's a better person to become.  Shift a muscle.  Take a step.  I hope you will move.

Grateful Believer,

Joel T.