Step 6

My name is Joel.  I'm a grateful believer in Jesus.  I struggle with sexual addiction, anger, and control.

So, I've got this big list of other people I've hurt or I need to forgive.  I've shared it with God, myself, and my sponsor.  Now I'm ready to go out and make amends.  Send me in, coach!  However, Step 6 is not the amends step.  This gets skipped in all the movies and TV shows.  The characters come to realize they have problems, they admit the problems, and then they go out and make amends.  I've never seen how they handle Steps 6 and 7, but whether your name is Earl or you used to be a song writer struggling with alcohol, these two steps are essential to being reasonably happy in this life.

Step 6: We were entirely ready to remove these defects of character.

Wow.  What about all of the other people?  They need to know I have this problem, and that's why my life stinks, and why they have to forgive me, and that's why I can forgive them!

Well, no.  I need to slow down and remember why I'm in recovery.  My focus still needs to be on me, not on others.  By sharing, by Step 5-ing, I have given all of those people and situations to God.  The weight has been lifted off of my shoulders so that I can attack the real issues.

How can I be entirely ready?  How can I ever be entirely ready for anything?  I've been thinking about this, and it's not always easy.  I have to remember; this is why I came to Celebrate Recovery in the first place.  My pain is finally greater than my fear.

Take my rage, for instance.  I was always in the wrong place, and it was always the wrong time.  I was constantly shouting down my wife in arguments, verbally abusing her; and, worse, in the presence of my child.  And when that wasn't enough, I was hitting my hands, feet, and even my head against walls.  My right knuckles were always puffy, scarred, and/or bleeding.  Trying to keep my CR anonymity when the people at work are asking what happened to my hand because it's so damaged.

I was entirely ready to remove that defect. 

And that was the easy one.

All of that amends and forgiveness stuff is meaningless until I have begun to change.  I mean, guess what!  People already know that I've messed up and done them wrong.  I'm sure that I've apologized profusely already.  The constant attitude of sorry-ness has probably been feeding my issues.  My wife, my family, my other "relationals," they want to see that I've turned the corner on that.

It takes time.  There's nothing instant about Celebrate Recovery.  We are not a quick fix.  Take the time to do it right.  Let God change you as you work Step 6.  Have a real life experience.  "Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).  I would say that you get such confidence by asking for it.  God, will you help me?  Will you help me to remember that the place I'm in now will always be better than the place I was in when I was trying to be in control?  I kneel before the throne because I can't sit on it; it's not my place.  I see that now.  The joy I'm capable of feeling comes from you, and it will always conquer whatever I get from giving in to my hurts, habits, and hang-ups.  Continue the changes in me so that I can share the joy, not the pain.  Others need to know that I belong to you first.

Grateful believer,

Joel