5 years.

Five years ago on January 25, 2007, I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. My wife didn't know what to do. I was STILL stuck. It felt like I had tried everything to quit, but the reality was, I had never even said the words out loud. "I struggle with pornography."

On that day though, I had come to the realization that I couldn't do it on my own and that I wasn't meant to do it on my own.

I still didn't say the words, but I wrote them...and sent them.

From my email to Micah that day:

I've struggled with pornography for years. Its been there through my highs as a Christian and obviously it's caused a lot of lows. I'm somewhere in the middle right now, but I just can't help but feeling that Satan is slowly trying to isolate me.  I've tried everything I can think of, but the shame that comes with this type of sin has really kept me from confessing my struggles to others...

...I'm just tired of being trapped. I pray that God will set me free, but I'm afraid I can't do it on my own. I need him and I need his people. I've been curious about the Celebrate Recovery thing on Friday nights...

Fast forward to this past month on January 27th...I celebrated 5 years of healing and recovery in Jesus Christ. And that 'Celebrate Recovery thing on Friday nights?' It's been my way of discovering and living in God's wonderful light.

By walking in the light and bringing my hidden sins in God's light I've seen His promise of purification and fellowship come true in my life.

When I come to Celebrate Recovery and confess my struggles, my temptations and my sins; I get better. By sharing those things with other faithful believers, I experience Christ's church as  it was intended to be. I have sincere fellowship. I know my brothers and they know me! More importantly I now know my savior. Jesus Christ is no longer just the Son of God, a distant figure who I have a flickering faith in. He's my savior. In my moments of temptation, he saves me. In my deepest hurts, he saves me. In my failure, he saves me.

Five years is a long time. It's been an awesome and blessed journey. There's not a single aspect of my life that recovery has not Impacted for the better. It's made me a better Husband, Father, Co-worker, Friend, Brother, Son and follower of Christ.

If you're  feeling trapped by a hurt, a hang-up or a habit...I beg you to give C.R. a try. Give it 6 months, give it a year and experience God's wonderful light for yourself.

Nate

-a grateful believer