I Celebrate... BALANCE!

Before recovery, I was a person of extremes! My eating habits, my control issues, my spending habits, and most of all my emotions were all over the place. I was either being restrictive and extremely strict or I was indulging and out of control. When something bad happened, it was truly like the end of the world. If someone hurt me, I just completely cut them out of my life. In a few years, I found myself alone. I wanted to live in a black and white world.  I have just recently been able to admit that I felt more comfortable in chaos then when things seemed to be going good. I could not enjoy life when it was good because then I was just in constant anticipation of what bad was coming next. Living in this constant turmoil not only had an effect on my relationships but it also took its toll on my health.

Since I began seeing a counselor almost 9 years ago and then attending Celebrate Recovery now for 4 years this September, I feel like I become more balanced in all areas of life. I am able to truly experience happiness without anxiety. I am a much more present mom physically and emotionally. I am more patient in all areas of my life. I do not feel like I am on the defensive and being attacked personally whenever there is a form of conflict in my life. I am able to truly listen to someone without the intent of fixing or advising.  I have become more comfortable with the gray areas that life truly resides in. My perfectionism is something I feel I will always struggle with but now I see it as a warning sign when it comes up. When I notice I am participating in perfectionistic tendencies I ask myself  "What am I really trying to control?" I think there are many things that have helped me to have more emotional balance. I think my sponsor, my accountability partners, attending CR, and my quiet time each day with God have helped me keep my frame of reality in check and switch my thinking in extremes (ALWAYS, NEVER, EVER) to a one-day-at-a-time mentality. So with that said, today I celebrate.... BALANCE!

 

Grateful Believer,

Jen