Step 7

I dig.  The ground up here is rocky, and the soil is hard.  I have an old shovel with a splintery handle and a rusty spade, but I start anyway.  I know that once I break through the first layer, the going gets easier.  I jam the shovel down and I jump on it, and I pull up a spoonful of dirt.  Resistance has built up in this spot, but I'll break through it eventually.  All I have to do is keep digging and not stop, so I dig some more.  I strike a stone, but I dig around the rock enough that I can finally pry it out, add it to the pile, and keep going.

I'm sweaty and my hands are beginning to blister even through the calluses I've built up over the years of doing exactly this action in many different places.  I think this would be a great analogy for my life: a bunch of holes and a lot of piles of dirt.  I tell myself it's not my life; I'm digging for treasure.  X marks the spot an all that, only there are three X's here, so there must be a lot of treasure.  My back aches and I'm not even halfway, but that treasure at the end will make it all worth it.

This won't be like last time.

I dig some more.  The hole is up to my waist, and the pile behind me is over my head.  I suddenly notice I've had a pair of yellow work gloves in my back pocket this whole time.  I put them on, and the pain is diminished.  Good, I can keep going.

I dig some more.  Weird, the shovel isn't as old as I thought it was.  I've passed through a layer of clay, and the dirt is coming out like butter.  I keep digging.  It's easy now, almost fun now that the resistance is gone.  I could do this all day.  Then I look up, and the sun is setting!  I have been doing this all day!  Might as well continue.

I dig some more.  I feel renewed.  I have a second wind.  The deeper I go, the more on top I feel, until—I hit something hard with a jolt that travels all the way up to my shoulders.  It's a box!  I've found it!  I work some more to clear away enough black mud, then I haul the chest out of the hole.  The chest is surprisingly light, but I'm not worried.  What's awesome is that I've found the treasure!  I did it!  It's mine!  I feel so good that I don't even care what happens next!

There's a lock on the chest.  It seems that even now, even after all the work, I could still stop.  I could stop, but I'd have to explain away my sore, aching back, and the loss of an entire day.  For a moment,  I actually consider turning away.  Then I hit the lock with my shovel and it breaks, the chest flying open.

Inside is . . . paper.  Maybe it's a deed.  Maybe it's a bank note.  No, it reads, "Idiot.  You've done it again.  Good job."  It's not addressed to me, but it's my handwriting.

I've written that note countless times.  I must be getting better because the words are nicer than what I used to write.  Is that the kind of better I want?  At least I didn't curse myself this time.  No adjectives, no expletives.  Just, "Idiot."  That's better, right?  Or—and this scares me—is that worse?  Is that acceptance?  Am I beginning to accept what I should except?

That's not what I want.

I want the kind of better that's based on love.  I want the better that runs away, that sees the XXX and doesn't linger.  The kind of better that doesn't follow the crooked path in the first place.  I want the better that leaves me feeling right.

"'Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him'" (Romans 4:7-8).

"If I rebuild what I destroyed, I prove that I am a lawbreaker" (Galatians 2:18).

I want the better that both promises good and delivers great.  "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures.  We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.  But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.  He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life" (Titus 3:3-7).

I want to be an heir.

I had been worried for some time that my struggle with pornography wasn't giving me the pain that my anger did, the fear-conquering pain that I suggested was necessary in Step 6, that I was missing the secret ingredient that enabled me to be entirely ready for God to remove that character defect.  I felt like I had it at one point, but that I missed the opportunity to use it.

I don't believe that anymore.  King David's lapses did not stop his relationship with God.  He kept on going, writing psalms and conquering enemies and paving the way for the temple.  Paul had some kind of big struggle he had to give to God every day, and he went one-on-legions with the Roman empire.  Now, that Rome is dust and Paul has moved on.

Waiting and worrying for me is really just procrastination.  A missed opportunity is still an opportunity.  I know I'm ready.  I can bring up the pain just by writing about digging.  God gave me that idea.  I just developed it.  I dug it out.  He gave me that so I could be ready for Step 7.  Now that I've identified what my struggles and defects are, I'm ready to "humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings."

Father God, it's one of those days.  Help me to get through it.  I am weak, Lord.  You are amazing.  You are mighty.  That's why together we'll get though this, one day at a time.  That's all it has to be.  Thank you.

If there's a secret to Steps 6 and 7, its this: it won't be just once.  That's not really a secret, and it's not even secret wisdom.  It's just Step 10.  I get to do it every day.

I'm not going to get into humility too much.  I'm a droplet in the mist that quickly vanishes.  Jesus knows every droplet in that mist, how and when each one is going to collide with others.  When I have a collision, Lord, please help me to bounce the right way.  I'm going to struggle and be tempted today.  I ask only for what you've promised already: a way out.  I have a great, understanding, and powerful support team of sponsor and accountability partners.  It only comes down to my decision to use them.  Decide me, Lord.

I'm a grateful believer in Jesus, the Christ.  I struggle with pornography and anger.  My name is Joel.

Step 6

My name is Joel.  I'm a grateful believer in Jesus.  I struggle with sexual addiction, anger, and control.

So, I've got this big list of other people I've hurt or I need to forgive.  I've shared it with God, myself, and my sponsor.  Now I'm ready to go out and make amends.  Send me in, coach!  However, Step 6 is not the amends step.  This gets skipped in all the movies and TV shows.  The characters come to realize they have problems, they admit the problems, and then they go out and make amends.  I've never seen how they handle Steps 6 and 7, but whether your name is Earl or you used to be a song writer struggling with alcohol, these two steps are essential to being reasonably happy in this life.

Step 6: We were entirely ready to remove these defects of character.

Wow.  What about all of the other people?  They need to know I have this problem, and that's why my life stinks, and why they have to forgive me, and that's why I can forgive them!

Well, no.  I need to slow down and remember why I'm in recovery.  My focus still needs to be on me, not on others.  By sharing, by Step 5-ing, I have given all of those people and situations to God.  The weight has been lifted off of my shoulders so that I can attack the real issues.

How can I be entirely ready?  How can I ever be entirely ready for anything?  I've been thinking about this, and it's not always easy.  I have to remember; this is why I came to Celebrate Recovery in the first place.  My pain is finally greater than my fear.

Take my rage, for instance.  I was always in the wrong place, and it was always the wrong time.  I was constantly shouting down my wife in arguments, verbally abusing her; and, worse, in the presence of my child.  And when that wasn't enough, I was hitting my hands, feet, and even my head against walls.  My right knuckles were always puffy, scarred, and/or bleeding.  Trying to keep my CR anonymity when the people at work are asking what happened to my hand because it's so damaged.

I was entirely ready to remove that defect. 

And that was the easy one.

All of that amends and forgiveness stuff is meaningless until I have begun to change.  I mean, guess what!  People already know that I've messed up and done them wrong.  I'm sure that I've apologized profusely already.  The constant attitude of sorry-ness has probably been feeding my issues.  My wife, my family, my other "relationals," they want to see that I've turned the corner on that.

It takes time.  There's nothing instant about Celebrate Recovery.  We are not a quick fix.  Take the time to do it right.  Let God change you as you work Step 6.  Have a real life experience.  "Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).  I would say that you get such confidence by asking for it.  God, will you help me?  Will you help me to remember that the place I'm in now will always be better than the place I was in when I was trying to be in control?  I kneel before the throne because I can't sit on it; it's not my place.  I see that now.  The joy I'm capable of feeling comes from you, and it will always conquer whatever I get from giving in to my hurts, habits, and hang-ups.  Continue the changes in me so that I can share the joy, not the pain.  Others need to know that I belong to you first.

Grateful believer,

Joel

Step 5

We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

My name is Joel.  I'm a grateful believer in Jesus, the Christ, and I struggle with sexual addiction, anger, and isolation.

I can do 2/3 of this step real well, but what's up with that last part?  Another human being?  If I've admitted it all to myself, and given my past away to God, why do I have to involve someone else?

I've done the first four steps, and they didn't require any outside participation.  Sure, the wording of the steps all say "we" did this and that, but they were my decisions to make; I may have told a few things to somebody else by the way of accountability, but partners, sponsors?

I had made it to this step without a strong support team, but 5th Step is the first step that requires me to go to someone else.  Sure, it helps to start that way, but I hadn't done that.  One of my struggles is that I seek loneliness, and I often find it just when I need it the least. 

I had to go to someone else to share my inventory.  Otherwise, it would have been me talking to myself, and that's just not balanced.  The burden doesn't go away when I'm only handing it back to myself.  That's not letting go, that's juggling.  If I haven't given it away, it stays.

Let it go.  Share it.  Give it away.

Build a relationship.  That's what 5^th Step really is for me.  I step out of myself, out of relying on just me.  I let that stuff go.  I tell it to my sponsor,  and it has no power over me anymore.

If I may use a baseball analogy, in giving my fifth step I was the pitcher.  I threw all sorts of pitches, and I had so many in my inventory.  I had curve balls, brush backs, cutters, cliff-hangers, good cheese, and backdoor sliders.  Mostly, I wanted strikes, but sometimes I wanted that ball to be hit right back into the field.  So I threw my past out there with a vengeance.

You might think my sponsor is going to slam those balls right back at me, hard, but remember, my sponsor is the catcher.  He's on my team.  At the end of the game, he will say, "Good job," and we will pray, like in James 5:16: "Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed..."

Grateful Believer,

Joel

Step 4

Hello my name is Travis, I am a grateful believer in Jesus and I struggle with dipping and gambling.  You might ask why anyone would want to write about the 4^th step.  Step 4:  We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

For me this was the best step.  It was the step that I tried my whole life not to do.  This step made me get real with myself, God and someone I trusted.  I wore so many different masks throughout my life; however, this step forced me to be real.  This step made me think of every person, place, or thing that was good and bad in my life. 

I completed my inventory by evaluating my life in four stages:  Elementary, Middle and High School, College, and the years I have been married.  By using these stages I was able to concentrate only on that time instead of jumping around my whole life.  As I wrote down on paper the good and the bad things I had done it was a humbling experience.  So, these four stages helped me stay focused and balanced.

 

I have done my fourth step four times now.  I truly try to think back to these four stages of life and see if there was anything I missed.  I try to not have any secretes untold to myself, God or my sponsor.  Having a good sponsor is a critical key to completing this step; so, select your sponsor wisely.  

If you haven’t done a fourth step you need to.  It is one of many ways in the recovery process that will change not only your heart but your mind as well. 

Grateful believer,

Travis

Step 3

Hello, my name is Jennifer.  I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with suicidal thoughts and PTSD. 

Step 3 states that I am to make a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God.  I would not have predicted this being as hard for me as it has proven to be since I accepted Christ when I was 17.  I had already made that decision, right?  Yes, I had accepted that Jesus Christ died on a cross for my sins and that he rose again and lives today at the right hand of the throne of God.  That was shortly followed by Baptism, so I was all set.

That was 21 years ago.  I had “accepted” that, but I became lost inside myself until the urging of a wise counselor sent me through the doors of Celebrate Recovery 27 months ago.  I got started and was on step 8 when I realized that I had taken steps 1-3 for granted.  I needed to start over. 


Starting over started on my knees, I made a decision to be willing to seek and follow God’s will.  I have to stay focused to remember that my life is worth living and that God has a plan for me.  It’s a daily struggle and when I think I am making progress, I sometimes stumble.  Sometimes I want to hold onto options that are outside of God’s will. 


For me, I learned from a member of my recovery team that it’s okay to recover slowly, it’s okay to focus on the decision part of step 3; after all, maturing as a Christian is a daily process of giving my will over to God because He is the perfect manager for my life...


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11


Grateful Believer,
Jennifer

Step 2

I've said it before, but when Micah and Karyn ask you to do a lesson, write a blog, etc it usually happens to be something that you're dealing with at the moment.  Except the time they asked me to talk about being humble.

Anyway, I "got signed up" to talk about Step 2.  Part of my recovery is my struggle with depression and all of the lies that come with it.  Even if you don't struggle with depression, I'm sure there are times when you question your own sanity.  This is where Step 2 comes in.

Step 2 states, We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  That power of course is God.  "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

Philippians 2:13.  Sanity is defined as good sense or soundness of judgement.  Maybe you're believing the lies of depression, or maybe your divorce has you making questionable decisions, regardless of the specific cause, at some point our hurts, habits, and hang ups affect our sanity.  No matter what is having you question your sanity, God can restore it.

Your part is to be willing to let God work in you to restore your sanity.

Maybe you're believing the lie that you're not ready, you don't have time for a step study, your accountability partners are too busy and tired of hearing about your problems.  Maybe you think you're not worth it.  Why would God take the time and effort to restore you to sanity when there are so many deserving people who need it?  These are lies Satan wants you to believe.  The truth is, like the prodigal son, God rejoices when we turn to Him.

To work Step 2 requires prayer, open communication with your accountability team, and faith.  Regular attendance at your CR program doesn't hurt either.  Much like all the Steps, you may revisit this one and need to be restored to sanity more than once.  That's okay!  I know that I do.

Grateful Believer,

Andrew

Step 1

My name is Micah Hobbs and I’m a grateful believer in Jesus, and I’m in recovery from alcoholism and anger.  Twelve years ago I would not have been willing to say that.  I thought I was in control and I certainly was not grateful, or a believer in Jesus.  I was living in a dark insanity of dysfunctional behavior and addiction, but I thought I was fine. 

God blessed me with a moment of clarity nearly 12 years ago, and I admitted for the first time in my life that my life was out of control.  Step one puts it like this: “We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.”  Paul puts it like this in Romans 7:18, “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” 

That was so true for me.  I had a lot of good intentions of putting the alcohol down and changing my behaviors, but I could never carry it out.  My life was unmanageable in every way.

For me, the most powerful part of step one is stepping out of denial and admitting that I had a problem.  For four years I was the “manager” of my life and I did what I wanted to do.  It was humbling to admit that I was the maker of my mess; but, when I said that out loud, it was truly the first step in my road to recovery.  There is power in saying to the Lord, “ I cannot do this anymore.  I tried to manage my life and I made it a living hell.  I need You to step, take control and do for me what I could not do for myself.”

Step one: turning the powerlessness of my life over to the ONE who has the power to turn it around.

Grateful Believer,

Micah